Another Good Man Gone

This is an extension of a FB status from earlier:

I found out today that one of our family friends has passed. He was a friend of my dad's from college, and was one of a close-knit group of four or five men whom I believe my father, an only child, came to regard as brothers (or, depending on your relationships with your siblings, closer than brothers).

It's inevitable that people I know will pass away, and at 70, he'd had a full life with his partner of more than 30 years.

However, this doesn't keep me from feeling like my life is being dismantled one cast member at a time.

He'd been a part of my life as long as I can remember. I'd always had Mom, I'd always had Dad, and I'd always had Rick.

This man was brilliant, funny and generous. He had HBO and we didn't have cable at ALL, so every visit, he'd bring videotapes (Betas, then VHS) of movies he thought my parents would enjoy. (That's how I first saw "Xanadu," "Victor/Victoria" and "Rocky Horror Picture Show.")

Rick and his partner didn't have kids, but he was always remarkably patient with me and my sister and brother, and shared his knowledge of electronics, his love of gadgets, and his library of movies with our whole family.

When I was young (think 6 or so), enamored of his collection of movies, I imagined I would marry him (because, you know, movies). Of course, my childish hopes were dashed when I pieced together, in seventh grade, that he was gay.

My parents had known longer. Rick had called my father at 2 a.m. to tell him, and then asked my father how he felt.

To assure Rick that their relationship would not change, my dad joked that as long as Rick didn't hit on him, everything would be OK.

Rick chuckled and said, "Lewis, you're not my type."

(That exchange sounds incredibly non-PC now, but this would have probably been in the 1970s. These men had already known each other for more than a decade and would go on to share 30-40 more years of friendship.)

After my dad's death in 2011, Rick kept in contact with my mom, which I think helped her cope with the loss.

Over the last couple years, he and I had started playing Words With Friends. While he could have easily obliterated me game after game, he always had the grace to not beat me by too much. I was an adult, but still, you know, the kid he'd seen grow up. I was an adult, but not a peer, certainly not.

Aside from my parents, he was probably one of the most influential adults from my childhood. My only consolation in all of this is that I'd like to imagine that my dad met him at the gates and that they're up there discussing life, the universe and everything right now.